yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
