if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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