my mouth tastes like poor choices
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
