Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
