What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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