He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
