Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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