He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My penis needs a shock collar
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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