Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
