he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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