tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
