I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She even gives head with a lisp.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
