So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
