I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
