so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
