i think my tv is drunk
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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