sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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