we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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