Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
