tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
