Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
