I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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