I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Dick very happy bro
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
