my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
