matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
