Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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