I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
