Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
