I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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