I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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