So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I need moral support for this bender
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
