I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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