Don't make out with my wife yet
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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