Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
