I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
