I'll bet she douches with gravy.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
