Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
did i just pee glitter
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
