I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
