I don't usually arrange sex via text message
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
