the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
