Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
