Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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