remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
