So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
