I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
