Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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