Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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