Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
