he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
