Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
