I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
