I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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