She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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