Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
