I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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