a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
