bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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